The Daley Bible Study #1

This is a weekly bible study post which I will endeavour to do each Sunday, and I’m doing it on my personal blog because of reasons. The views expressed in these posts are my own personal beliefs. Please feel free to add anything or dispute anything I’ve said, I’m fairly young and inexperienced at this, so I’m very much open to constructive criticism.

Today I want to talk to you about these verses:

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again; Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the presence of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:4-7

You may also want to read Romans 8:28-34 and Matthew 6:25-34

Okay, so firstly I want to talk about the difference between joy and happiness. Happiness is a fleeting emotion, usually felt based on circumstances. For example, you eat an ice-cream; you feel happy. Happiness can be snuffed out in an instant by a change in your circumstances, the actions of someone else, or even just your own internal thoughts. Joy, however, is different. Joy is a lasting experience, and it isn’t really a ‘feeling’ so much as a way of life. To be joyful is a choice you make yourself, and it is possible to be joyful through any circumstance, providing your joy is anchored in the right thing. Joy is the knowledge that all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord (Romans 8:28), and not worrying about your circumstances.

Secondly I’d like to talk about anxiety. As someone who struggles with anxiety on a fairly extreme level, I realise this is a difficult topic. These verses suggest that we should not be anxious about anything, which to me sounds like a big ask. I mean I understand not being anxious about trivial things, but some things surely require a level of anxiety, don’t they? If your grandmother was taken into hospital, shouldn’t you have the right to be anxious? God says no. But he offers us an alternative:

‘but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.’

Pray. Pray pray pray pray pray. Prayer is such a powerful thing, it’s how we communicate with our Heavenly Father, and we even have Jesus himself interceding for us (Romans 8:34) as we present our requests to the Lord. God does not just encourage us to pray, he encourages us to petition him. Have you ever been walking down your local high street and got stopped by a petitioner? They are so passionate about their cause, so full of zeal and desperation for you to sign their petition, because their cause matters so much to them. We should petition God for the things we are anxious about instead of worrying about them and getting ourselves stressed over them. I realise this is a lot easy to say than it is to put into practice, and I can write this whilst I am in a close-to-God place and you may be reading it in a far-from-God place…

Perhaps you’ve become jaded by years of unanswered prayer, or you feel God has been silent for so long he’s abandoned you. Maybe you’ve been praying ceaselessly for a friend or a relative to come to faith and you’re exhausted with trying to do the best you can to evangelise to them yet you’ve seen no results. I want to tell you there is hope, do not give up, the power of prayer is astonishing. I have known people and heard stories about families praying for relatives for years and years before them coming to faith, tales of parents praying relentlessly for their prodigal children, and them coming home to Christ. He has not forgotten you, he will never leave you or forsake you, (Hebrews 12:5) and I believe that he is listening to you at all times, for it says:

“The Lord is near.”

I could write a lot more about these verses, but I’m no preacher, so I think I’ll leave it at that. So in summary: Be joyful, Do not be anxious, instead be prayerful and petition the Lord, and you will know his presence. He has not forgotten nor abandoned you, and there is always hope. Prayer is powerful.

If you believe in the power of prayer, why not join Prayer Possible, a Facebook group run by a friend of mine where you can post prayer requests that can be prayed for by people all around the World.

God Bless

Alley-Cat
xxxx

©Alice Daley 2014

'But you don't look sick'

This. This makes me cry whenever anyone says it because it's so hurtful. When you see me, you're seeing my best efforts to appear normal and healthy. You're seeing days of saved up rest, just so I can spend my valuable energy on spending time with you. You're seeing smiles despite being in agony, chatting and laughter despite my head being in a fog. You're seeing the best I have to offer, the closest I can get to a healthy person. And when you totally invalidate my illness when I have chosen to spend my precious energy on you, it hurts. So just don't, okay?

Rant Over

On a positive note, I managed to have a bath last night which was extremely exhausting but soooo worth it. Keep strong lovely people, peace out <3

Alley-Cat

Little Blog Update

Hey there folks,

Just a little update I didn't want to spam my main blog with, as I have posted two blogs a day the last two days. On the subject of my main blog, here's the thing- I'm going to try and make it more regular and less erratic, rather than uploading loads one week and then nothing for weeks. So when I write a blog, I won't necessarily upload it as soon as I write it anymore.

Instead I'll be saving up my blogs during my floods of creativity where I can write for England, and post every Wednesday and Saturday from now on, aside from special posts like M.E. awareness day etc. This way I don't spam your social media newsfeeds with blog posts every day, and I get into a regular pattern of updating the blog twice a week.

As well as this, I am going to be using this blog a lot more, with (hopefully) daily personal updates, so those of you who want to follow me more closely can do so. I'm also going to be more openly Christian on this blog, as I don't want to bible-bash my main blog readers too much. I'm not ashamed of the gospel but I'm aware that my blog isn't really about religion, but about Chronic Illness, and although I have some personal posts on M.E. and my Battles, I want most of my blog posts on that blog to be Chronic Illness related (or at least not too personal, I will be including 'How To's' and Reviews) and less about other random things.

So in summery, expect less personal, more regular, more focussed blog posts from M.E. and my Battles, and expect more, hopefully daily posts on this blog about my day to day life. There's also something else in the pipeline which I'm very excited about but I can't reveal it yet!

Big Loves
Alley-Cat
xxxx

I am feeling sad today

Today I feel sad, I feel lost, I feel like I've missed out on my youth.
Today I feel old, I feel cold, I feel like my life is stuck in a rut.
Today I feel angry, like it's not fair, and I want to scream.
Today I feel alone, because nobody really understands.

But I know these thoughts are fleeting,
they gather speed, ready to take off again,
and I know they'll return again,
but when they leave I will rejoice,
because the weight of such feelings brings you down.

So if today you feel broken, gutted or entrapped,
if you've felt this way for hours or years,
know that all affliction is momentary and light,
and that everything is temporary,

and that it might never hurt any less,
but you'll grow stronger, more patient,
kinder and more resilient.

Know that even if your today is black,
you still have the power to bring joy,
you still have the strength to survive,
and if surviving is all you can do, that's okay

it's okay

because you're not alone,
because thousands of us feel this way,
and although the suffering of others brings me little comfort,
the knowledge of others fighting alongside me fills me with courage,
because humans are fragile, yet humans are so brave.

be brave today, I know you can.

© Alice Daley 2014

The worst day ever

I had the worst day ever:

Well last night I went out with my friend Robbie, we had a few pints, not a lot but enough to get me to the falling over stage. Consequently I did not sleep well, feeling sick and needing to pee and being generally a pathetic drunk because I'm not very good at being drunk.
This morning I was working a shift at Oxfam, I was extremely anxious because I usually work shifts with Jacob, so I'm not on my own with strangers, which I hate more than anything. I was feeling ill and hungover and that was my fault but whatever. I was really struggling to do anything because I was so wound up, and the other woman on with me, Sharon, was really bossy and horrid.
Today was also my first shift at my new job at Next. I finished working at Oxfam at 1:30, supposedly. but at 12:30 I had a panic attack because I'd missed my Job Centre appointment, which was at 10:00. I rushed as quickly as I could (on crutches) to the Job Centre, and had to wait AGES to be seen. Whilst I was waiting I phoned my friend Jake to ask him to come into town to see me before my shift at Next, because I was nervous.
So I did the job centre thing, then went to meet Jake at Oxfam, he wasn't there, because he'd gone to find me at the job centre, so I had to go back into town to find him. I then had a massive breakdown and panic attack, I had no money for lunch, and I was freaking out about my first shift so much, I was cobbing in the middle of the street, begging him not to leave me, until eventually he got pissed off with me, and left me in tears at the bus stop.
I got the bus to the retail park, walked into Next, crying my eyes out, the woman who was supposed to be in charge of me calmed me down and then I started working. The other workers were pretty nice, though not the usual sort of people I spend time with, but I was in agony within the first hour. The standing was too much for me, and I was so panicked and nervous and scared by it all and I kept dropping things and generally being useless.
So at 5:00 my break came, I went into the staff room and just burst into tears. First I rang the manager of Oxfam because I was scared and wanted to speak to someone and she was the first person who popped into my head. She told me to ask if I could go home. Then I called Jake and he was bloody useless because he was tired and peed off with me, or whatever, then I called my friend's mum who always gives advice and she told me to ask if I could go home too. So I did. I told my manager, well, sobbed at her a little until she said I could go home. I got back to where I'm staying at the moment, hungry and in agony, and I feel like the biggest failure ever. Who gives up on a new job after three hours?!

Alley-cat

Pain

There are just days when the pain is too much, when my head aches so badly I want to scream, when I'm too exhausted to move and in too much agony to sleep. There are days when I cry my heart out because I know that this is my life and nothing I can do will change that, there are times I get so angry at the world for allowing me to be this ill for so long. And yes I know there are others who have been sicker for longer but that makes no difference to me. Telling someone they don't deserve to feel how they feel because others feel worse is ludicrous! You never hear anyone telling someone off for being too happy because other people are happier do you? Blah, this is a ranty I-hate-life post but I don't really care. I'm tired, and sick, and I just can't cope with stuff right now and I have wonderful people supporting me but they get tired and annoyed with me (understandably so) and I just don't want to exist anymore. Not in a suicidal way- that solves nothing, just in a 'life is too hard and I've fought for too long and it's not fair' sort of way. And I know that life just isn't fair sometimes but it doesn't make it any easier when you have to rely on pills to get you through the day, when something as simple as going to the toilet or having a wash leaves you thoroughly exhausted,  it's just sometimes all too much. And the hardest part is that I've been worse, I know what it's like to be so ill you cannot move your head for weeks, I know what it's like to be unbearably sick, but that knowledge doesn't help me feel any better right now. Yes I've been worse, but it still hurts right now, it's still hard right now, and I really need a slab of chocolate, a bottle of wine, my boyfriend, and some trashy film to watch. It sucks that he lives so far away.

Sorry for complaining
Alley-Cat

Returning to Blogland

Hello there people,
I return to the land of the blogging... I took a break for a while due to many different factors but I feel now is a good time to return. I won't fill you in on all the boring details of what's happened over the last 6 months, but it's been a very... changeable time. Still, things are looking to be on the up again, so that's something. I've just been employed, part time, by a leading fashion store as a sales assistant, which means I will be earning a bit of money as well as doing something vaguely productive with my time. I'm pretty nervous but very excited about this new role, and am hoping to put some good skills to use. Some of these skills I have learnt from working in two charity shops alongside good friends, Jacob and Hannah. I will continue to work at the charity shop even when my new job starts because I enjoy it, and I still want to contribute some of my time to voluntary work. Plus, you get some real gems in charity shops, like my new, and very lovely fluffy rabbit onesie!

That's all for now folks,
Alley-Cat