Pain

There are just days when the pain is too much, when my head aches so badly I want to scream, when I'm too exhausted to move and in too much agony to sleep. There are days when I cry my heart out because I know that this is my life and nothing I can do will change that, there are times I get so angry at the world for allowing me to be this ill for so long. And yes I know there are others who have been sicker for longer but that makes no difference to me. Telling someone they don't deserve to feel how they feel because others feel worse is ludicrous! You never hear anyone telling someone off for being too happy because other people are happier do you? Blah, this is a ranty I-hate-life post but I don't really care. I'm tired, and sick, and I just can't cope with stuff right now and I have wonderful people supporting me but they get tired and annoyed with me (understandably so) and I just don't want to exist anymore. Not in a suicidal way- that solves nothing, just in a 'life is too hard and I've fought for too long and it's not fair' sort of way. And I know that life just isn't fair sometimes but it doesn't make it any easier when you have to rely on pills to get you through the day, when something as simple as going to the toilet or having a wash leaves you thoroughly exhausted,  it's just sometimes all too much. And the hardest part is that I've been worse, I know what it's like to be so ill you cannot move your head for weeks, I know what it's like to be unbearably sick, but that knowledge doesn't help me feel any better right now. Yes I've been worse, but it still hurts right now, it's still hard right now, and I really need a slab of chocolate, a bottle of wine, my boyfriend, and some trashy film to watch. It sucks that he lives so far away.

Sorry for complaining
Alley-Cat